...

"Everything in life is just for a while."

...

I felt nothing for the first like 60 ish percent. After reading the premise, I was a little confused when I read it and it seemed a little muddled as to whether or not Fred knew Bob and vice versa. I mean, it almost seemed like each half did know that the other existed. PKD tells us about it which is fine, but he does it in a very muddled way. And the blurb on the back (Bob evades himself, Fred evades his paranoid bosses) introduces an urgency that the book doesn't actually have. For most of it, nothing is happening and nobody is doing anything all consequential. I've seen media where "character is secretly leading a double life that his bosses are suspicious of" (Equilibrium, Farenheit 451) but I've never seen something where the character is also unaware of this life. A cool idea, to be sure, but the fact that the separation is so confusing ruins it. Even without that, there's no, "Oh, Bob is getting close to being busted" or "Oh, Fred's bosses are really taking this investigation seriously". There's just ridiculous psychological examinations and a lot of "Barris probably did it". Plus, the diner scene. Nobody wants to read two paragraphs describing the waitress's boobs. The only saving grace was the final section. That definitely made me feel sad and sympathetic, if nothing else. It had a lot of potential but the execution just wasn't there for me. Vibes:0.5/1

Edit: After sleeping on it, I've decided that ending kinda saves things enough for the book to get the half point. The whole point is to feel something, anything, and the ending certainly made me feel something.

1. Prose: 1/1- I actually like slow, un-embellished writing, even though sometimes it drifted on a bit too long, even for me. I'll give it the point, though.
2. Pacing: 0.5/1- Again, the characters don't do anything for most of it. A long book is fine as long as there's movement. Well, this book isn't that long, but it feels really long because there's no movement and at best it's chaos.
3. Creativity: 1/1- I love the concept. The concept was the best part of this book. If it wasn't for the bad execution, it would've been on point.
4. Entertainment:0/1- I did not, in fact, have fun.

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"Sharks have everything a scientist dreams of. They're beautiful— God, how beautiful they are!"

...

You know what's not beautiful? This damn book. There have been few times I've decided that the movie was better than the book. There has only been one time thus far that I have watched the movie, loved it, read the book, and wondered how in the hell the book ever got adapted, and, not only that, made it something good. That one time has been when I read Jaws. In fact, it's the only book I can say with certainty that I hated. First of all, where's the shark? I understand that the book is more about how the shark's presence affects the townspeople and their relationships. However, I don't care about any of these townspeople whatsoever. There dramas aren't interesting and I don't actually care about them as people. The mayor is in debt to the mafia, which is apparently a big deal, though this problem has no effect on the story outside of some thug killing chief Brody's son's cat. It's why the mayor is so bent on keeping the beaches open, sure, but he had plenty of reason besides the debt, which it makes it a rather unnecessary and poorly developed addition. Other than that, there are more insane plot differences that I am frankly glad the movie changed. Brody's wife cheats on him with Hooper. The set up to this is graphically descriptive from how she, um, "prepares" for this, and there's a solid two and a half pages of them talking about their dirtiest sex fantasies. I'm not complaining about adult content because that more or less comes with the book, I'm complaining because this scene is egregious and goes on for far too long, while adding nothing to the story itself. True to the above quote and to the surprise of no one, the shark is the only good part of this book. The issue is, its appearances are few and far between. Like islands of interest in a sea of monotony. Finally, Quint is kind of just an asshole that I didn't care about. In the movie he was also an asshole, but a lovable one. I say with confidence that movies and books are fundamentally different mediums and that we shouldn't compare the two, especially when it comes to adaptations. I hold to that even now, but the movie is still an objectively better work in general, even without the comparison. As a writer, Jaws is a shining example of what not to emulate. Honestly? Honestly? I had a better experience reading I Survived the Shark Attacks of 1916 in fifth grade. Vibes: 0/1.

1. Prose: 0.5/1- I don't mind Benchley's style. In fact, I would've given it the full point if not for the content and that it dragged on for so long that I got sick of everything.
2. Pacing: 0/1- There is some kind of urgency with the shark attacks and all that, which is a good locomotive element. The shark is also absent for most of the book, which makes it miserably slow.
3. Creativity: 0.5/1- I think that in a way this book "invented" shark attacks. It certainly caused a panic. When it first came out, I can see that being really interesting. It's just not as novel as it was back then.
4. Entertainment: 0/1- If I could give a negative score, I would.

"We lost a hell of a lot more than just people when we abandoned them to the dead. That's all I'm going to say."

...

In honor of the upcoming spookie season, I've been on a zombie binge, so naturally I decided to read this book for what would be the fifth time in my life. Not only is the undoubtedly the best piece of zombie- and horror- media I've ever encountered, it's at least top ten in general. Instead of running with a straightforward narrative, Brooks has it presented as a series of interviews after humanity has largely taken back Earth from the zombies. This makes it seem a lot more real. Reading it, you're practically expecting to turn the the news on and see a headline about a strange new strain of rabies spreading throughout Africa or hear some undead moans outside your door. I was holding my breath from the Great Panic to VA Day. And speaking of, I think this book has the perfect ending. It's hard-earned and practical, so it doesn't feel handed over by the happy ending gods, and it's not a totally clean resolution while still being satisfying. It's a good ending (at least for those who made it past Zack), and it's realistic. Which makes it all the more plausible. Plus, it forever occupies a special place in my heart for absolutely traumatizing my innocent sixth grade self who had no idea what he was getting into when he picked up this book. Vibes: 1/1

1. Prose: 1/1- Since it's made up out of interviews, this book has no traditional prose. The interviews themselves are very well executed with just the right element of conversation without overdoing it.
2. Pacing: 1/1 It's a slow burn to be sure, but there is always something pushing the plot along.
3. Creativity: 1/1- You could say that the zombie genre is oversaturated, but this is genuinely the cream of the crop. The themes themselves aren't anything new, but the focus and execution here is something freshly terrifying.
4. Entertainment: 1/1- Equal parts terriying and fun.

...

"The 'literary world' was a place I was grateful for, and blessed, I thought, were those who could spend their lives there."

-"Eight Views of Tokyo"

...

My grading system for story collections will be a little bit different. I'll just give each story a single point based on whether or not I enjoyed it and decide the overall out of five from there. With that said, here's my review of Self Portraits by Osamu Dazai. I'm gonna preface this by again stressing that I'm not some kind of serious literary critic, if you haven't already noticed, and I don't claim to be. I try to sound smart, but at the end of the day these are very pedestrian reviews based entirely on my subjective point. This is a book I will definitely not be able to do proper justice. Anyway. I pretty much saw this book at a little bookstore on vacation and thought it looked interesting, so I picked it up to have something to read on the plane. I'd never heard of Dazai until this point, although did vaguely hear of No Longer Human somewhere, never read it though. Even so, I was pleasantly surprised. In short, like most authors and creatives in general, Dazai was a bit of an oddball. At times, I found him a bit too melodramatic and therefore annoying. But I guess that's just part of who he was. I don't think I'm intellectual enough to go through each story and look for metaphors and all that. All I can say is that I was emotionally moved at some parts, and in my humble opinion that's the most important part of any art. I especially like when writers write about writing because I like to tell myself that I am a writer as well, and it's interesting to see how other people think differently about the same craft or how I can relate to some of their ideas. Those are my general thoughts, here's my score for each individual story:

"My Elder Brothers": Dazai had a very interesting family dynamic. I found it very interesting to see the parallels between Dazai and his older artist brother. It did inspire me to think about how I may be affecting my younger siblings. I can hope they'll at least have a good memory or two of me. 1/1

"Train": This one was kind of dull. If I had to turn moments of my life into short stories, I probably wouldn't pick seeing off my best friend's ex as one of them. I guess there is some commentary on love, though. That's always interesting. 0.5/1

"Female": I liked that almost this entire story was framed as pure conversation. Definitely stealing that idea for something of my own later on. Other than that, I don't think this one struck a chord within me like some of the other ones did, besides the jarring suicide attempt. 0.5/1

"Seascape with Figures in Gold": The insight into Dazai's guilt and self hatred is the most memorable part of this one. The reversal of Dazai "losing" at life and sinking into misery while his former maid "wins" by having a happy life is also interesting to see. He had every chance to become successful and happy, and sank into misery instead. On some level, it shows how background is important but so are your personal choices. 1/1

"No Kidding": I'm not entirely sure what to make of this one. Dazai ripping some guy off in his desperation is both disgusting and, as he says, hilarious. I think I may have even chuckled at the absurdity when I first read it. 1/1

"A Promise Fulfilled": Probably the happiest story in this whole book. Thank you, Osamu Dazai, for this brief little ray of sunshine. 1/1

"One Hundred Views of Mount Fuji": I think that the point of this story is that a place is just a place until you can attach some kind of emotional meaning to it, no matter how grand it may seem by itself. He writes that Fuji is pathetic, and only when he sees it with a friend or at a poignant moment does it seem beautiful. At leas, I think that was the point. 1/1

"I Can Speak": "It was a trivial scene, but one I'll find difficult to forget". I think this quote summarizes almost all the stories in this book. It sort of ties back to the previous one. This would seem banal, if not for the moment it occurs and the meaning that is therefore attached to it. I can also relate to the brother in the story more or less clinging to the one thing that he believes gives his otherwise pathetic life value. I can do that too, hinge all my meaning on one thing and say, "Hey, I'm useless, but at least I can do this". 1/1

"A Little Beauty": This one just kind of creeped me out. I didn't really get the point, if there was one. 0/1

"Canis Familiaris": My favorite story of the lot. In some way, it's a weird version of the classic "Dad doesn't want a dog, dad gets a dog, dad and dog become best friends". Maybe he takes the mutt in for no other reason than that he relates to the mutt, seeing his wretched self, in need of care, wrapped in shaggy fur. 1/1

"Thinking of Zenzo": Another one I don't know what to think about. I'm not old enough to have moved away and have a place to look back at, but when I am, I'm sure this story will mean something more to me. For now, though, it's just an ironic little story where a scam turns into a significant bit of solace and joy, and for that it's good. 1/1

"Eight Views of Tokyo": This is where I got the above quote from. It's a biography on his life in general. This is high and mighty of me, but it seems like a good bit of his suffering is self inflicted. I don't think it's my place to pass judgement, though. 1/1

"Early Light": The fact that Dazai's main concern in this story is his daughter gives him a solid amount of humanity and empathy. I liked him a good bit better after this one. 1/1

"Garden": I liked the comparison between Dazai and his older brother to the tea master and his ruler. An interesting metaphor. 1/1

"Two Little Words": Another one I'm not sure what to think of. It's just Dazai meets old man taking his dead daughter's money and spending it on alcohol, Dazai spends all his money on alcohol and scolded by his wife. 0.5/1

"Merry Christmas": Same as the last one, but I liked this one a little bit better just because some more interesting things happened. 1/1

"Handsome Devils and Cigarettes": If only Dazai had followed the advice he gave in closing this one. But maybe that's the point, to say to everyone else, "don't end up like me". (On an unrelated note, the title of this one made me think of Junji Ito's "Smoker's Club". Thought you should know.) 1/1

"Cherries": There were quotes in this one I considered for the one up top. In particular, I thought what he had to say about arguments (page 228 of my edition) and about leaving parties feeling very depressed for some reason were both very relatable points. 1/1

Final Verdict: 4.75/5